aimless and frustrating

Today I wandered around my house aimlessly wondering what to even do next. Honestly, I haven't a clue. Well, I know what needs to be done, but when I think about it all it overwhelms me so much I actually get physically tired. I know, I know. Focus on one room, etc. Well, the problem is that things from every room are getting moved to another home. That brings every room into play at the same time. The only two rooms unaffected in the whole house (which has recently become a 5 br house!!) are the bathrooms. And speaking of bathrooms, we have another to build. EEEeeeeeEEeeeeeeeee!

My biggest problem (pun intended now that I think about it) is that I cannot physically do everything I want. I am BIG. I can't bend over well. I can't move furniture. That's the biggest thing. So I stare at it. And wish it weren't there and in its final resting spot. Of course that only causes more frustration because I'm not able to move things with my mind. I just feel a little panicky and I know it's nesting/hormones/etc etc etc but that does NOT help my state of mind right now.

I'm not feeling prepared for this little boy whose arrival is imminent in about a month or so. I have really nothing. Well, we have a crib and that's good, the kid will have somewhere to sleep. I got rid of most everything because I wanted it OUT. Decorating his room may be what I let go of in order to begin to keep my sanity. Although that is something I was very, very much looking forward to.

On top of it today, Ruby is still in the throwes of potty training. Which is good and fine, if that's what I had to focus on. But so far today she's pooped on Hello Kitty and peed on another Hello Kitty. So far we are good with Tinkerbelle, but she should be warned, being a princess-y fairy hasn't helped the former victims.

James is also home today. Which should or COULD be a help, but it may in fact be the opposite. He fights with his sister as much as if they were a couple of years apart. I feel like I'm yelling at my kids all the time. And that is just adding to my frustration.

It's Monday.

I'm closing my eyes and envisioning that I am here....